Heartbreak
by Modern ugliness
Summary: Au, Suicide, all round sadness. Axel died and Roxas blames himself, how will he cope with the loss of his Axie?


Things fade so quickly, life fades so quickly, it doesn't wait for you to finish, it doesn't wait for you to say good bye, one day it will end for us all. Roxas knew it, he knew it all too well.

He rolled into the fetal position, gasping as he felt his heart break. He had just lost the person he loved and he couldn't help but blame himself.

Axel had been sick for a long time, so had Roxas, they had bonded over their life-threatening diseases, but then a miracle occurred and Roxas got better.

He felt more energized, he had a whole life ahead of him, he began going to clubs and partying, rather than being home with his boyfriend.

The day Axel died, he had wanted to say goodbye to Roxas, he had wanted to make up for the fight they had, had. He knew he wasn't going to make it and all he had wanted was his Roxas by his side, but Roxas wasn't there.

Axel's father, Reno and Roxas father Cloud had tried to get ahold of him desperately, but when he finally returned the calls, it was too late.

Now he could never take back the things he had said to the redhead, he could never tell him that he did love him, he could never apologize for the affairs, and he could never stop knowing that the stress that fight had caused was why Axel had died.

He knew it was the fight, his father knew it was the fight; Reno knew it was the fight and it was Roxas could hardly bare it.

"Oh, Axel, I'm so sorry," Roxas, whispered as tears began to stain his face. "I'm sorry for making everything so hard for you, I'm sorry that the last few months were like that, I'm sorry I started that fight and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me most."

_"Where the hell were you?" Cloud all but screamed when they had gotten home from the hospital._

_Roxas had felt like crap, but he deserved to be yelled at, at least he was feeling, Axel would never feel again._

_"Do you have any idea how many times we tried to call you," his father looked near close to tears, tears similar to those that had already began to stream down the other blondes face._

_"I'm sorry," he answered weakly, he didn't know what to say or do, he was in shock, his heart felt like it was falling to his feet._

_"You're sorry? It's a little late to be sorry, Roxas," Cloud stated, before walking away, leaving Roxas alone it the hallway._

_Numbly, Roxas wandered down the hall, stopping at the archway into the lounge room as his eyes caught the sight of red._

_It was blood and it was everywhere, staining the floor, staining the couch, and staining the leather jacket that lay upon it._

_Walking further into the room with weak legs, Roxas began sobbing. He forced himself to the spot where Axel had begun to die, falling to his knees and grabbing hold of Axel's favorite item of clothing. It smelt of blood, which wasn't completely dry, and held it to his chest, he sniffed it, trying to find a part that smelt like Axel not his blood._

Roxas was still clinging to the bloodstained garment, he hadn't let it out of his for the past week, then again he had barely left his bed in that time.

Clouds anger was slowly dying, paving the way for concern. His soon had not been eating and despite being in bed constantly, he was not sleeping.

He quietly entered Roxas' room with a box of Axel's things, Reno had been hesitant in handing them over and Cloud had hated to ask at such a time, but he was hoping they would help his own son.

He sat the box down besides the bed, before wrapping his arms around the boy. He looked like he had before he had gotten well, pale, thin, large bags under red eyes.

"I went to see Reno today," he told the youth. "He gave me a few of Axel's thing that he thought you might like to have."

The small frame began to shake in his arms, he heard his son gasp for air, sudden flashes came back to him.

He had held Roxas like this when they first learnt of the illness; his body had shaken with tears that time too. Tears of fear, tears of a thirteen year old, forced into an adult situation, but this time he was almost an adult, who was grieving the person he loved, who should have still been there.

The crying ceased and Roxas appeared to be asleep; slowly pulling his arms away, Cloud left the room for his own, hoping to get some sleep of his own.

Roxas woke rom a horrible dream, every time he slept he would be forced to relieve the fight until his brain made up images of Axel, he was bleeding while he called out to him, Roxas viewed helplessly as Axel sobbed his name, wanting desperately to respond, but he couldn't speak, he couldn't even touch his beloved.

He doubled over from the intense pain jabbing at his heart, surely, he was having a heart attack, and surely, something would happen to take him from the earth, surely any moment he would reunite with Axel.

After the pain had passed, Roxas sat up in his bed, that's when he noticed the box lying on the ground and, slowly, he recalled what his dad had told him a few hour earlier.

He picked up the box, laying it on his lap. There wasn't much, just photos of the pair together, smiling and in love and a t-shirts that smelt of Axel.

Whipping tears off his face with the back of his hand, Axel got out of bed, slipping on Axel's leather jacket and clutching the shirt, holding it close to his nose.

He grabbed one of his razors from the bathroom before he made his way to the lounge room.

He laid down on the bloodstained lounge and, closing his eyes, he slashed his wrist; if nature wouldn't reunite them then he would take matters into his own hands.

A/N: So, I've been thinking of writing this story for a while now, I hope everybody liked it, please review and tell me what you thought.

Disclaimer: I own no characters, but the plot is mine!


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